May I?

Musings on taking a leap of faith and diving into something I've been wanting to do for ages

"What we vividly imagine, ardently desire, and enthusiastically act upon, must inevitably come to pass" Cezanne

Fallen Aloe at Ventnor Botanic Gardens, Isle of Wight © Deborah Ann Stott 2023

In writing about my Isle of Wight quest in a previous post, I began to think about an art project where I create art for people based on their own journeys. I’ve been wanting to do it for ages, but have been putting it off for years because it means putting my work out there in a completely different, more vulnerable way.

My ultra-creative niece has been visiting this past week and she has been enthusiastically nudging me to "do it", generating heaps of ideas (which I started writing down and then lost track of). The month of May may be a good time to have a go - a month that seems to be full of possibilities purely because of its name.

I have a tendency to disappear down a rabbit hole of plans, lists, and deadlines... So, this time I may take a different approach.

I may frame this as a mini-quest, and take a gentle moodle through it instead and go where my curiosity and energies take me.

Yet, as I write those sentences, intensely mixed feelings bubble to the surface.

I’m energised by the “idea” of a mini-quest to kick-start this long-awaited art project
But actually making it happen and doing it?
Maybe I could put it off again (and never get around to it)
Can I muster up the energy to do it?
Can I conquer the fear of failure?
Yikes. Maybe I’m not ready for this new story yet?

But “What have I got to lose?”
I may / may I find a tiny spark of energy
I may / may I seize the moments as they crop up
I may / may I take a leap of faith
I may / may I do it - slowly

What do you think? Have you tried approaching a project in a slow way, like this?

As a footnote: Vitality is one of my supporting words for 2023, my capacity to live, grow and develop. May I bring a bit of that feeling of vitality and zest for life to this project; to “enthusiastically act upon” it as Cezanne says.

May the slow, moodling approach help me navigate this new story!