Self imposed pressure: Don't squander my time
Reminding myself to treasure time as a gift and value it instead
I feel such impatience to be doing something and not wasting these 17 days
A week ago, I wrote this in my journal. Mergatroid (my inner critic) has briefly popped in for a visit, to say her piece.
I was at the beginning of a 17-day house/pet sit gig. I’d planned for the first 5 days to be a “self-retreat” of sorts, to change gears after finishing full time work, to replenish energies and to declutter my brain. I made an intentional decision to let myself “be” for at least 5 days.
Now.
I was meeting resistance.
Here I was putting myself under pressure (all self-imposed) not to squander this time.
In fact, time is a gift
Oh time! An external, societal construct that just dominates our lives. Have you ever noticed the words we use to describe time?
We try to find it, fill it, use it wisely, save it, kill it, spend it. We rush, in case we run out of it. We make up for lost time. We are robbed of it. We complain that we never have enough of it. We use our diaries, calendars and to-do lists to plan how to fill our time.
And here I was angsting, and berating myself (low level but still berating) about squandering it (expend carelessly, extravagantly, or to no purpose) - another judgemental metaphor to add to the list.
But was it really squandering? No! Because I had planned to let myself and my brain be idle. Perhaps I could’ve found another word, that would’ve been less critical… less… I remind myself to treasure it as a gift (because it is) and value it instead.
I’m also conscious that I write about this type of reframing a lot, and often. But we constantly need to remind ourselves how how we are shifting things, right? (These a list of similar posts at the bottom of this letter!) Surely I am not the only one?
Pushing back against the busyness
Anne Wilson Schaef’s daily essays1 for 11th and 14th August reinforced exactly what I was thinking, writing that we are “habituated to busyness”, we feel worthless if we aren’t busy, we panic when we have time that hasn’t been planned to the nth degree.
Yet, here on Substack at least, people are beginning to push against this busyness. I’m adding my voice to this, and leaning into other ideas about slower time!
Today
wrote “the voice saying I have to do it all right now or it’ll be too late, is one I’m definitely keen to ignore”. In a similar vein, just the other day, wrote of shifting her relationship with time, to thinking about having more / enough time. “We stop hustling and instead spend our energy more intentionally. We stop multitasking and instead go about trying to do things one at a time.”I’m always struck by how many words related to time, are also related to money: spending it, saving it, “time is money” - I suppose, the world we live in revolves around both, they are inextricably intertwined.
Doing what works for me
Like Brooke, I’ve been working on shifting my relationship with time for many years, trying lots of different techniques and changing the words I use to describe it. Its essential for my wellbeing and for living a slower life.
One way I’ve shifted, is to look at time as an investment resource not an expense resource (as Stephen Covey suggests). For me, this reframes time as having value, something I can use to my advantage in any way I want. I can use it to invest in my self, my dreams, my plans. I can use it in a way that works for me.
Is time a creative currency?
I was really taken with
‘s recent piece about creative currency: a set of 4 components that are needed for creative projects (creative dollars, emotional dollars, brave dollars, energy dollars), how they can be topped up and depleted (spent). “Knowing how our creative stores are going, (what are we rich in, what are we poor in) then empowers us to “budget” so to speak for our projects.”Since I read her piece, I have been wondering of maybe time is a currency we could add to her set? Or maybe time is already part of each of the other accounts? What do you think?
And so, in the spirit of investing time in the way that works for me, I will:
Stop and wonder why
Let our brains be idle for a moment and see what happens
Stop rushing and racing
Do any of those work for you? I hope you can find some time to do what works for you! Until next time, take care. I leave you with this fab quote from Terry Pratchett:
“People are often so busy living that they never stopped to wonder why.”
Take a Moodle through these related pieces
Valuing our downtime
I was chatting to a friend the other day about to-do lists and how they seem to rule our lives. They are ubiquitous and the items on them never seem to get done. I find myself transferring to-dos from one week to the next so often!
Building blocks to “strive wisely”
Mergatroid coaxes: “Come on Debs, show up! Be consistent! You’ve got all these goals to achieve. Don’t be lazy! You know, if you don’t show up and make the effort, you’ll lose your place in the race, or someone will steal your idea. You’ll lose out.”
Filling or emptying our cups
I must admit that at the moment, for various reasons, I am overwhelmed, tired and highly emotional. My cup feels empty. And the traditional "soldiering on" attitude that we’ve all been taught doesn't feel like an option.
I dislike feeling like this - it’s uncomfortable. But I'm trying to learn how to be with it all rather than trying to distract myself or being busy. Certainly not easy!
If you’re wondering what to look at next, have a moodle around these:
Introduce yourself and your favourite way to moodle in this thread
Read some of my micro-fiction
Visit my profile to see my About page, my Notes, who I subscribe to and recommend
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This is very resonant of my thoughts at the beginning the eight weeks holidays I have just had Debs.
I began with no plan... eight weeks! I said to myself that no planning was necessary.. the days would fill themselves in their own way and there would be plenty of that irascible thing called TIME to do everything I wanted to... but now there are just ten days left and every one is filled with something planned and I haven’t, or at least I don’t feel that I have, anything that I can look back in and say, bravo, this is great, despite having a thousand and one ideas...
So, I find myself saying, where I am going to find the time now? And the fact is, I truly don’t know!