Building blocks to “strive wisely”
Advocating for continued intention towards self-fulfilment and wholeness - in a slow, moodling way
Mergatroid1 coaxes: “Come on Debs, show up! Be consistent! You’ve got all these goals to achieve. Don’t be lazy! You know, if you don’t show up and make the effort, you’ll lose your place in the race, or someone will steal your idea. You’ll lose out.”
Skye sighs. “Do you know what, Mergatroid, I’m not buying into this scarcity, competitive mindset anymore? The idea that there is not enough success/goodness for everyone, so we have to fight each other for it. I find it frustratingly counter-productive. It. Is. Not. A. Race. There is time.”
Mergatroid gasps! “You can’t be serious?”
As I'm at a precipice of life change and in the mode of tipping everything on its head, I'm beginning to ask myself how I can show up differently, with a mindset that embraces collaboration, not competition.
Many people I’ve read point out how comparison and competition are counter-productive to (creative) living. Brené Brown’s take on inviting more creativity into our lives is to let go of comparisons that come about because of our need to both conform and compete, a deadly combination of “fitting in and being better than”. Julia Cameron talks of competition being a drug we use to poison our own creative well.
And what of goals? That word sends a shiver of dread down my spine. The title immediately caught my eye, and on reading it, I think they're right about pursuing intrinsic goals. This extract is from a post by The New Happy on making goals more joyful.
Intrinsic goals are more aligned with your authentic self and fulfil your human needs … People who choose goals aligned with their interests, values, and identities are more persistent and therefore, more likely to be successful. On the other hand, people who are extrinsically motivated are more likely to abandon their goals and experience ill-being.
The article suggests that if we pursue intrinsic goals, we’ll experience greater happiness and well-being, and be more likely to achieve them! One of the articles they reference is by Kennon M. Sheldon who says:
"Pursuing personal goals is an important way that people organize their behaviour and mature as individuals. However, because people are typically unaware of their own implicit motivations and potentials, they may pick goals that do not serve them well" [Kennon M. Sheldon, 20142]
Oh yes! I recall many times I’ve set goals that are not mine and they have had disastrous effects. One example: 27 years ago, my then-husband and I decided to buy a sailing yacht and fit it out to undertake a long-term, round-the-world cruise. Except that 4 years down the line, I just couldn't do it, it was not me, I was terrified of all it entailed, I was not a sailor at heart. It was the beginning of the end of my marriage and four years of expending energy on a goal that did not align with my own identity and interests. Quite simply, I was people-pleasing in order to keep my marriage afloat.
What are your thoughts on this? Does your goal-setting work? Are your goals linked to some extrinsic motivation, have you picked goals that don’t serve you well or have you found the holy grail and managed to link your goals with your values and interests?
To stay on your map of self-fulfilment, you've got to keep showing up in a way that works for you
Mergatroid quotes Peter Gallagher in a slightly sarcastic tone “Come on, Debs. To stay on the map, you've got to keep showing up”.
“Here’s my take on this”, says Skye, ignoring Mergatroid’s tone. “Whose map? Becoming a round-the-world sailor was not my map. Of course, I need to stay on my map to self-fulfilment and wholeness. But I need to show up in a way that works for me. It’s my map, not someone else’s idea of how my journey and map should look."
“But… there’s the map you’re expected to follow …” Mergatroid interrupts
“I will show up, in a way that I define for myself. I will show up in a way that aligns with my values and interests and with how I want to live my life.” Skye takes a deep breath.
“And maybe, the way I choose to show up is with continued intention. I am not a robot. Every day is different, and maybe consistency doesn’t mean that I blindly do exactly the same thing each and every day. If my consistency is based on continued intention, then on the days when I need something different, I can offer myself that and still show up. After all, I cannot achieve everything I want to achieve if I fall apart in the process.”
Skye explains: “The building blocks of consistency for living a fulfilling and whole life are varied: there might need to be blocks of self-care, motivation and inspiration, determination and grit, energy, joy, and self-compassion. To show up every day means that I configure a different combination of those blocks.”
I leave you with three questions - let’s get a discussion going
What word can we use instead of "goal" (which I feel has all the connotations of competition)? Maybe, simply "continued intention"?
How can we make pursuing continued intention a more joyful experience?
How can we “strive wisely” (a term used by Kennon Sheldon) in a slow, moodling way towards self-fulfilment and well-being?
The card art
Card number 33, is a “fish scale” collage on a watercolour background. I got the idea of these fish scale collages from Jennifer Wilkin Penick on Instagram, and for a while, I was fixated by cutting pieces of paper and card into these shapes!
If you’re wondering what to look at next, have a moodle around these:
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Who are Mergatroid and Skye? Mergatroid is my long-term inner critic. Skye is the wiser, nurturing, kinder voice that counters and balances Mergatroid’s often harsh words.
Sheldon, K. M. (2014). Becoming oneself: The central role of self-concordant goal selection. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 18(4), 349-365. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1088868314538549
This is so pertinent Debs... and to answer your questions, firstly, our goals (I nearly wrote ghouls....!) should be changed to dreams. Without dreams we cannot advance, everyone needs something to aim for and often dreamers are doers! For the second question, pursuing our intentions, I think, should be almost selfishly single minded, as in be blinkered... do not falter in your process because of another’s ideas, be inspired but not defeated... and for the third, move at your own pace. Moodle, wander, wonder and then make a decision, keep eyes wide open, breathe in and out... read the Desiderata is the best advice I can give to anyone. X